Divorcing a Narcissist in Little Falls New Jersey

Learn more about some control tactics a narcissist may use when trying to keep you close and support yourself during your divorce with a narcissist.

Divorcing a Narcissist in Little Falls New JerseyDivorce is a tumultuous experience no matter how amicable you and your ex are, but getting out of a relationship with a narcissist can come with extra baggage. According to the Mayo Clinic, a narcissistic personality disorder is a clinical mental disorder in which a person has an inflated ego and a diminished capacity for empathy. Narcissists often employ manipulative tactics to control and abuse their partners psychologically, and the process of divorce is no exception. During a divorce, you must maintain psychological sovereignty to stay clear and focused on your path moving forward. Read on to learn more about some control tactics a narcissist may use when trying to keep you close and how to support yourself during your divorce with a narcissist.

Tactics a Narcissist Uses to Maintain Control

It could be said that narcissists have a loose grip on collective reality – they tend to live in their own world, and their expectations and perspectives rule their lives and those close to them. When someone is on the ‘good side’ of a narcissist, they may be praised and worshiped, but that quickly shifts as the realities of imperfections and growth areas come out. At this point, worship turns to criticism and control.


The term gaslighting was coined from a 1950s movie and described a tactic used by narcissists to make their partner believe that they are crazy to gain and maintain psychological, emotional, physical, and even financial control over them. This type of domestic abuse can take many forms – the interweaving element of gaslighting is that the victim is made to question their own good judgment and critical thinking capacities because of the manipulative words and actions of the abuser.

Extremism in Love

Another tactic that narcissists use is taking extreme measures in love, providing wild romantic gestures. This makes the recipient feel loved, special and desired. A narcissist will then use these intermittent gestures to draw their partner in with these feelings of belonging and co-dependent care while displaying all manner of narcissistic behavior in between.

What to Keep in Mind when Divorcing a Narcissist

The most important thing to keep in mind when moving through the separation process with a narcissist is that boundaries are essential to maintain your psychological sovereignty. In most narcissistic tactics, mental manipulation occurs, and someone who knows you and a spouse may use these tactics to undermine your resolve to upend the divorce process.

Release the Trauma

As you are emotionally and energetically separating yourself from your ex and maintaining strong boundaries, be aware that your bond with your ex may have been the result of past trauma and your relationship co-dependence. Often, if we were treated poorly or abused in the past, we unconsciously attract that type of relationship. To find clarity and healing, as well as surround yourself with support during this trying time, it could be helpful to seek the support of a counselor to work through trauma and engage several diverse techniques to release it from the emotional body, physical body, and nervous system – such as Tension, Stress, and Trauma Release Therapy (TRE); tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique); and hypnotherapy.

Whether or not immense lasting trauma occurred in your past, a relationship with a narcissist can cause emotional imprints that stay with you. Seek the community’s support to take care of your own mental and emotional needs during this time, knowing that you are not alone.

Plan a Safe Exit

What to Keep in Mind when Divorcing a Narcissist

If you are in the primary stages of your separation or your narcissistic spouse has not left the marital home, it could be risky or even dangerous to leave the marital home. Seek out the confidence of someone close to you, and share your concerns and plans with them. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for information from a trained counselor on what specific steps you need to have to make a swift and safe exit from the marital home, including everything from what to pack in an overnight back to have at the ready to how to prepare your finances.

To ensure that you are safe and emotional, and legally protected in a divorce, you must seek the support of a qualified divorce attorney.

Need to Divorce a Narcissist in New Jersey? Contact our Divorce Attorney for a free consultation at our Little Falls Office.

If you are navigating a divorce from a narcissist and need help navigating that fragile process, we are on your side.

At The Montanari Law Group, LLC, we successfully aid clients facing some of the most challenging divorces in Paterson, Wayne, West Milford, Woodland Park, Little Falls, and Passaic County.

Contact us online or through our Little Falls offices today at (973) 233-4396 for a free and confidential consultation with a member of our qualified legal staff concerning your divorce case.


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