Why You May Not Be Ready to Date Soon After Divorce

It’s a harsh reality when you are first alone in your house and your children leave with your ex-spouse.  There may be lonely nights at the beginning of your new life, following your divorce.  Eating and sleeping alone may feel odd or uncomfortable, after many years of marriage. This is something new to you, even if you have lived alone in the past at some point.  It is something that takes time to get used to.  Your life has changed; you have changed.  But make no mistake, this doesn’t mean you need to find another significant other instantly, to fill a gap you may think exist.  Stop and consider how your divorce (amicable or not), has changed you.  Just because your divorce is finalized, doesn’t mean you are ready to jump into your next relationship. There are several good reasons why you may need to take some time before jumping back into dating.

You Need to Get to Know Yourself

You may have spent many years as a spouse and parent, who placed your needs behind those of others in your immediate family.  Take advantage of your new free time to learn who you are. Your identity and value don’t depend on your role in another’s life.  Try to reflect on what you value about yourself.   It takes some time to know yourself at this stage of your life, and discover what you want and need in a potential partner.

Allow Yourself Time to Grieve

Whether amicable or not, you divorce is a loss.  Grant yourself the opportunity to grieve this loss in order to move on.  There is no set timeline.  Your timeline depends upon your own experience, and that is completely acceptable. Feeling pain after a divorce merely reflects that you were invested in that relationship.  Consequently, it is healthy for you to understand that you need time to heal, to allow yourself emotional closure before moving forward with another relationship. You need to feel whole spiritually and emotionally before moving forward, or your next relationship will be doomed before it even begins.

Alone Time Increases Your Confidence

Time by yourself will show that you can survive on your own.  Recognizing this will increase your confidence. Taking the time to reflect on your strength in getting through your divorce and focusing on your needs, will show that you can do anything and depend upon yourself.

Take Time to Consider What You Want in a Future Partner

Take Time to Consider What You Want in a Future Partner
Take Time to Consider What You Want in a Future Partner

Divorce is a wonderful opportunity to take account of what traits you admire and would like to see in any future partner.  You can also determine what things are undesirable in a partner, red flags to avoid.  Take time to honestly reflect on your past relationship to gain wisdom for a future endeavor.  You don’t need to attach yourself to the first person who comes along, to avoid being alone.

For more on this issue, access the following article: Why You Should Take Time To Heal After Your Divorce

Contact Passaic County NJ Divorce Attorneys

Consulting with your divorce attorney will help you understand what to expect from your divorce.  Contact the Passaic County divorce attorneys at The Montanari Law Group, with offices in Woodland Park, New Jersey, at 973.233.4396 for a cost-free consultation.  Our lawyers have extensive experience representing clients in Passaic and Essex counties who are involved in divorces and we will be happy to answer all of your questions.


To speak with one of our highly knowledgeable attorneys, contact us today at (973)-233-4396 or toll-free at (888)-877-7985. You can also complete the form below to begin your conversation. We are a personalized, boutique-style law firm that offers free initial consultations and flexible appointment options.