In Divorce, Your Children Come First
can be a messy process. Old grudges resurface, and often couples lose sight of what is most important, their children. When divorcing, it is critical that you keep this in mind, as the transition for them can be extremely difficult, especially at younger ages. Here are some important things to remember in order to help your children maintain healthy relationships with all parties.
Be an Adult
Remember that you are the adult, you should be taking care of your children, not the other way around. Burdening them with your emotional issues surrounding the divorce can have lasting impacts on their long-term growth. While we all have moments of poor parenting, especially in times as trying as a divorce can be, it is crucial that your children know they can lean on you for support, not the other way around. Showing resilience and maturity in the face of adversity is an excellent model for your children’s future.
Communicate with Your Ex
In joint-custody situations, it can be difficult for children to manage all of their responsibilities across two homes. Ideally this would mean communicating with your ex about the various items the children will need for the week, and have both households ready to support the children. If this isn’t possible, be prepared to make unexpected drives to the other home in order to pick up forgotten items. It is important that your children feel secure in the knowledge that they will have what they need at the different households, and if they don’t, their parents are willing to go the extra mile to make sure they do.
Don’t Undermine Their Relationships
No matter what may have transpired during the divorce, it is important that you support your child’s relationship with the other parent. Children often internalize criticisms of the other parent, thinking that all of the negative things you say about your ex must also apply to themselves. It is also important that as your children age, your authority as parents is respected. Your children will turn into teenagers soon enough, if they don’t have boundaries and respect it can lead to rebellious and dangerous behavior.
You Love Them – and the Divorce is not their Fault
Perhaps the most important of all, children need love from their parents. They need to know that no matter what, this is true. Children often overhear arguments between their parents, sometimes regarding issues related to them like child support and child custody, and they are quick to place blame on themselves for it. Your children need to know that they are not the cause of your divorce, and that both of you will always love them.
Contact a Passaic County, NJ Family Law Attorney Today
Your children are the most important thing in a divorce – bottom line. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore your rights as a parent and as an individual. The family law attorneys of The Montanari Law Group are ready to help you with all of your divorce matters including child custody and visitation, child support, division of assets, and alimony. To speak with one of our experienced attorneys today, contact us online or through our Little Falls offices at 973-233-4396.
